Wednesday, August 9, 2017

A 15 Year Old gets a Lesson On Love...

9 August 2017

A 15 Year Old gets a Lesson On Love...
Hello JazzLovers

A Life Lesson at 15.

The Summer of my 15th year, I worked summers at the local Juke Joint in Acers Homes in Houston. My Mom was a friend of the owner and a regular there. I stocked the beer boxes and cleaned just to listen to the juke box. Even though I was not supposed to I also served in the evenings,( My Mom was there so in those days it was Ok.) That summer a man about 50 years old would come in as sit in a corner drinking beer and playing the blues. He would drink every night and go home at midnight. I somehow started him to talking to me when I served him, he was quiet yet very nice and polite.         Today I sing The Blues    Aretha Franklin
Finally he started to tell me his story. When he was 19 he go into some trouble with some of his wilder friends and went to prison for 30 years.. An older man (27) took him under his wing as his protector, as the years went by they became lovers, he said this was the only person that had ever touched him with kindness or tenderness. As time went on he opened up more to me and one day at the end of the summer we were alone in the bar, my mom had not come in yet and the owner Martha was working in the back. When I served him his beer, he asked me to sit for a minute. I was happy to because he was always so sad.      Someone to believe in. Randy Crawford

He began to tell me about this love and how it developed and how lone·ly and lost he was without him and that he was not adjusting to being out of prison, he only went to work to the bar and home, he had no friends everyone he knew was gone. My heart went out to him but at 15 I didn't know what to say so I gave him his next beer on the house. It was getting close to the end of the summer and the next week I was to return to Louisiana for school. I sat with him all that week when the bar was slow and listened to his stories. I really hated to say goodbye on my last night he gave me a cross ball pint pin that I still have.            Just You Just Me  Ann Peepbles

I looked forward to the next summer hoping to see him and how he was doing. Monday I went to the U an I to get my job back and anticipated seeing him that evening but he did not show. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and the rest of the week he did not come. Saturday I asked Martha what had happened to him. She told me that the week after I left he broke into a place and waited for the police, was arrested and sent back to prison. I smiled. I understood. His Love was stronger than a freedom with no joy. I never forgot him and I never will. I do so hope his love was still there, I know they had stayed in touch through the mail.
So Many Men never know what it is Like to really be Loved.
I am so grateful for that lesson because I have known Love.        I Just Love The Man    The Jones Girls
Well Jazzloves Until next time.
Keep The beat.
DW Jazzlover 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Black History

The Remarkable Women Who Raised me.

Well hello Jazzlovers

It has been awhile, but I could not let this month go by without giving thanks to these six remarkable women.

If you have been keeping up with me you know I had a traumatic experience when I was six years old and these are the women who healed me. My Aunt Mel {back row third from left} is the only one feft and she will be 99years old next month,She has been wanting to come home for one more visit to our church and since black history at our church is my area, I tried to make that possible. But at the last minute she changed her mind about traveling and in no way was I going to be upset about that! But thanks to technology and my 18 year old neice she was able to speak to the church Live!It was so beautiful and so well recieved! She is the most amazing woman and sounds like a 25 year old girl!!! He diction and clearity on the history of the church had every one in tears and she is funnny as hell! But that's My aunt Mel.       "I know where I've been" Queen Latifah

I came into this family when I was  six, My Father married the Woman on the left back row and although she was only 23 years old she was wise beyond her years and really became my mama!!!!! I did not speak for a year but they were so loving and caring and made no big deal the day I did start speaking..The Beautiful woman in front is my beloved Grand Mother, who I love to hang out with and I liked to cook with her and the day I started speaking she had  left out an ingredient on the dish she was making and  I said" Grandma  you left out the salt" She rplied "You are right baby go ask you mama to send me some" It was no big deal!!
I know some times they wished I had stayed silent! Because after that day they could not shut me up!!LOL
I loved my Grandma! All 5 of her daughters were just as remarkable and I have never been a step child in this Family. My Uncl KC on the right is still my ideal man! He was my best friend and taught me to be a man even though they all knew I walked a different path, I was loved.    " I know where I've been" Alex Newell

These Beautiful People standing there gave me a strong foundation that has taken me around the world and brought me back!! My Grand mother was born ony 20 years after slavery but was the most positive person I knew, and a very firm believer in the truth!!  She set me on the path I follow until today...I never heard her complain about a thing in my life! I am so grateful! I could not let this month go by with out saying Thank you to this remarkable family that made me their own! My Father was a lucky man to marry here.and he knew it. I really don't think all my cousins don't remember or just don't care that I am natural born, I am very included ad as Cousin, uncle,nephew as everyone else! Aunt Mel said sundry I was her favorite nephew!      The Barrett sisters

I know what love is and it is thanks to My wonder family ! I have become the confidant to my same gender loving nieces and nephews and to their parents who are trying to understand thier children! So I am happy for my lessons on love from these remarkable people.

.       Bella Reese  " Being Green"

Well Jazz lovers I leave you  With

A Quote by Dr. John Henrick Clark, sums it up well
(When You lose track of your Heritage, You Lose track of your place in this world!”
The struggle is not over.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

I am a Man, I am A Black Man, I am a Same gender loving Man and I am OK With That

The beginning.
Hello Jazzlovers

Another Beautiful Day to be On This Earth.

I had an interesting experience this week that started me to thinking, Someone asked a few weeks ago why did I choose to be Gay? My Answer was " for the same reason I chose to be black." This week I was told that I don't act Gay! and that gave birth to this FB Post that I feel I should share with my Blog readers. So here goes.    " I've Been here Before- Deja Vu "  Tina Marie

I prayed and debated a long time before sitting down to write this post! But after having 3 near death experiences, I feel I need to express exactly how I feel about Life and Gods Love. I had an interesting experience the other day when a neighbor said to me " You don't act gay! "My answer was how do gay people act? But it started a process of thoughts in my mind!
So I will attempt to explain my ...thought process after the question. To start with I am Male, second I am a Black male, and I am a same gender loving male, none of which I had a choice in being! Yet each one of the labels carry a different set of rules and perceptions of what each one denotes.
The known are I am not now, nor do I desire to be a female (I love my sistas with all my heart, Women are remarkable!). Being a black man carries it's own set of issues to be dealt with, Then add same gender loving man to that adds a whole new dimension to the equation!

 Same gender loving men who are not stereotypical confuses, ( down low) , Those with a strong X chromosome,( Effeminate) are more accepting, because they are more visible. Society deals a little better with this..
I support my effeminate brothers with all my soul because if not for them we would nor have the freedom we have today( Stonewall 1968), but my MENTOTRS were James Baldwin, Langston Hughes, Bayard Rustin,( Father of the Civil rights Movement, Malcolm X, Hughie Newton, Men who loved men and still worked for out freedom. Their sexuality did not define their actions or their contributions to our freedom.   Queen Latafah  "I know Where I've been"  

 Plato and Darwin were right about natural selection, we would all be a lot freer if we could love who we were destined to love. When heterosexuals ask the question when did you choose to be gay? My answer is exactly the time you chose to be straight!!

Now I know some of you are now going to throw the Bible at me! The same book they used with colorful beads and Missionaries that lured you and I out of Africa out of Africa and into slavery with! But I serve a Living, Loving God that intended me to be just who I am!! I know my time is short on this earth but I am so filled with gratitude for the gift I have been given to see the beauty and being able to create beauty and to keep a loving heart in spite of the hate I face every day of my life.   "The Ways To Love a Man"

 I close by saying I am A Man, I am A Black man in every since of the definition and I am a Same gender Loving man and I have Loved and been Loved . I live-in gratitude of Gods love.
Jazz lovers I leave you with my Favorite Della Song, my theme song and I have been blessed enough to live it.  "The I have been looking for"
Well Jazzlovers until next time, 
Keep The beat!
D W Jazzlover

Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Down Low

Hello jazz lovers

Happy Holidays.

I had an Interesting experience in Church today. I got the DL eye from a very unexpected place!!And No It will not Happen!!! I assure you of that fact. But it did start me to thinking..

I have just Finished J.L.Kings "On The down low" and realize he cashed in!! It is Hype for Women. I think I will Blog about my findings..He has finally admitted that he is Gay and yet does not want to be a part of the gay community! I understand that, he still has a lot of self hatred in his own life and made money on it..I offer no disrespect to the Man it is his life after all. I just see it differently that's all.

 I was born at the end of the 1940's and grew up in the 50's and 60's, I knew I was different very early in life and was not really like other Boys even though I like doing boy things and really enjoyed being a boy!

As I grew I began to understand what was what, I knew Fem guys and realized early that I was not "Like That". But at the time it was serious business not to be visible, the messages from Church, Family, and Society was not accepting of Same gender loving men or Women although for women they often got a pass due to men's fantasies of two women together. but for men it was totally taboo! 80% of the same gender loving were on the DL or Closet the stakes were just too high to be visible, so a separate society was formed with in a society. There were meeting places, parks, greyhound, almost anywhere and He is right it is always eye contact.

In the 20's,30's 40's and 50's there was a code for those "In The Life" Certain color ties, The color of Hankies in a suit pocket, certain code words known in the cities example The term "A friend of Dorothy's". But as a whole a complete life to hide..When the gay revolution started in the late 60's, 1968 to be exact, things began to change in the White communities in larger cities but small towns and the south stayed the same even until today! We could not allow relationships to become visible in the Black Community, so the DL became a way of life..It will take decades for that to change..But no one is free until all are free!

The one good thing about his book is alerting women not to live in denial about their men it really can save their lives. But until the stigma of Men loving Men is removed DL men will be around for a long time.. He climes to accept his Homosexuality but if you really listen to him it is obviously clear that he does not. I do understand his thinking, All through time you are told your natural being is wrong and that you are not suppose to exist is a very hard row to hoe! people still think it is a choice. The only choice open to men is to live your life or live a lie. It is like Bleaching Cream is still one of the biggest selling products around the world. When You question my color you are questioning God and his creation, it is the same with sexuality. The DL was created by the society in which we live.

My Next Blog will be more in-depth. Della Reese To Love A man..

Only one song this time and until next time
Keep The Beat

D W Jazzlover. 

Saturday, October 5, 2013


Available on Amazon Kindle.

Hello Jazzlovers,

It has been a little while since I have been here. I keep my self busy all the time, since I have been away I have completed a Quilt, created a fabric, made new friends, and I actually sat down and wrote a book! This is the song I played a lot while accomplishing these things.    Victoria Wilson James "Perseverance Works"

I am not really concerned that the book sells, the important thing is "I Did It." The accomplishment is what's important. I have been writing in a journal since 1979 and there is a book there too, but not yet, I am not ready for that. This was a book that came out of my head, it is a different kind of love story, and I know it is not for everyone. Life is happening all around us and it really could happen like I wrote it. I do believe it is possible.  Queen Latifah " I know where I've Been" 

I still believe in Love and I am a firm believer that the "The Lord Win Not Mind if It's Love," I read that some where when I was very young and held on to the thought all my life. Two of the characters in the current book has started to speak to me and I have started their story, "At Last Home"   Etta James " At Last" Live

Here is what I learned while writing this book! A healthy new respect for writers, I had to ger out of the way and let the Characters speak for themselves, they will say what they want to say, I learned I have forgotten good grammar! That was the hard part. But I did it anyway!!! I learned a book does not always flow start to finish but reveals bits and pieces of where it has been and where it is going and it was my job to understand that. It was a wonderful experience. And I am feeling good. Nina Simone  "Feeling Good"

It is a brand new day for me My Friends.

Until next time Jazzlovers

Keep the beat.

D.W. Jazzlover.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Trouble In Mind..

A place of Refuge

Hello Jazzlovers,

It is a beautiful day today..

To Beautiful to be troubled!!

But I am troubled so I must write it out..I am giving it to the Universe and letting it go...

I am normally a very happy person and don't let things I have no control over get to me..but I think I am a little venerable right now.. Nina Simone "Trouble in Mind"

I am back in my home town after being gone for most of my adult life, I have visited and have stayed a while, but I always knew I would be leaving so it was OK.. I knew what it would be like coming back and I really don't have a problem with it...I am actually happy to be back, I need to be clear on that front..My family is absolutely wonderful!!! Della Reese "Being Green"

One of the things I have always had a problem with is hypocrisy!!I have lived my life openly and honestly..So I was very surprised at something that happened last sunday!!( To be honest I expected it) Yet it did surprise me..LOL. For some reason last Sunday I decided not to go to church,It is a community event so I do enjoy going and being amoung people I have known all my life..So My decision not to go was unsual...When my Family returned they were a little vague as to how it went...Until a little later in the evening when they let it drop that the sermon was on Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve...(They can not get pass that one!!Can They?)!!! Della Reese " Fire and Rain"

I felt betrayed because before I started going back to church I had the conversation with the Minister, and asked if they had a problem with it I would not return,,and I was very comfortable with that decision...I was assured that it would not be a problem..I think the Universe for keeping me home last Sunday..I don't think I would have kept quiet...You see I am a Child of this Universe and I did not ask for this GIFT of being me...I am going to live this life and play the hand I have been given until the end...I have a strong loving and giving heart,that I am so grateful for..I see and work at creating Beauty!! If there were no Adams and Steve's there would be very little Beauty on this earth and what a dull place it would be...I really believe this.. Della Reese " The Games People Play"

The Controller of this Universe is amazing and does not make mistakes and I am a true Child of This Universe...I celebrate that!!! I can only answer to The Universe for me no one can answer for me and I can answer for no one else.. Della Reese " I've Got to be me..."

One More..... To say thanks for listening Jazzlovers I feel much Better.. Loving Spoonful " Daydream"

Ok One more!!

See I amfeeling better.... Mama Cass " Dream a little Dream"

Well Jazz Lovers

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I've Come This Far By Faith

Faith Is Personal...

Hello Jazzlovers,

It is a rainy Day Here today...

I have never written about Religion or Faith because I feel like it is personal.... Sitting out on the front porch having a fag,this post started running through my head...So that I am clear I am only writing about my personal one Else's, only mine...I feel like we are all trying to get to the same place, it is just that we are taking different highways...My route is different now than it was when I was a child...I am becoming disillusioned with Church and Religion..Don't get me wrong,I do belive that there is something in this Universe Bigger than me. James Clevland " I don't believe he brought this far"

I am very grateful that I had the Church,and the Masjied in my life as a child, it taught me many lessons on goodness and discipline in my life..Those early days have been my Rock and my Faith runs deep!! But Not like everyone Else's...I am having much trouble with Church and with religion right now..I grew up between three religions and realize that the messages are almost the same..But I cannot live my life looking at the end of my life!! I was put down here to Live, to Learn to be free..I can not believe I was not meant to make mistake's , to enjoy pleasure, to love someone,That is what forgiveness is all about! Isn't it? The Barrett Sisters " I don't beieve He brought me this far"

I have been a "Child of the Night" and loved every moment! But I have never done anyone any wrong,Langston Hughes once wrote " Children of the night will give a snake a break" and that is the truth...I loved the Night Life,I enjoyed the people and I have had much fun,and I have met some wonderful people and made friends that will last a life time..I also still have friends from my child hood..But the discipline I learned at My Very religious Grandmother stayed with me and kept me safe!So I have to believe that there is a Creator of this Universe.. Aretha Franklin " Going down Slow"

When I was out there loving the Night Life, People were real!I loved the music and the dancing better than eating...Mater of fact I saved lunch money to have the price of a ticket and a couple of drinks,LOL before I could afford it.. I wanted to experience it all and I did,but it does not mean I lost my faith or my belief in A Creator of This Universe..I just found the People of the Night more honest if!!If they were a Thief,You Knew they were a thief!!They did not hide it..You Knew a Lier when you met them!!They too did not hide,,A Loose man or woman admitted the were fast..A Nice Guy or a Lady was respected and left an alone or/and Procter!! Langston was right... Cassandra Wilson " Children of the Night" The Jones Girls " Children of The Night."

I have always been honest and open with my life, even when I did not know I was, it is hell tryi,ng to live a double life..and for safety there are times you have to try...You must allow other people to fool themselves at you expense..Don't get me wrong I have made mistakes in my life lots of them,but I have learned from most of them and tried not to repeat them...But that's like!!I have Loved and I have been Loved,and I can find no wrong in that..I found a book in a junk shop when I was just a kid,The title was "The Lord won't Mind if it is Love" I am so happy I found that book, It saved my life in many ways..It came along when I was having a serious Identity cries,it helped me to decide to life my life as I was,,,To play the hand I was dealt,and I have no regrets..and I think that is what the Creator of This Universe want of us !! My God does Not make mistakes... Nina Simone " My Way" Shirley Bassey " My Way..

Well Jazzlovers Until next time.

Keep the Beat...